Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Well, I should have updated this days ago, but I am lazy and when I do have ambition, I have lazy internet. Friday, the lovely Miss Erica surprised me with a girls night out featuring Christian freakin Bale aka John Connor and Applebees (we went to go see Terminator Salvation, then ate at Applebees). If it were not for all the cowboys in place of growth groups, I would have thought I was in Indiana. I suppose that is where I am mixed. I really do love it out here and I know that this summer is going to be AMAZING but I also have a really deep seated sadness about being so far away from the people I care about. I did not expect that people who have been in my life for such a comparatively short part of it would leave such a large empty spot in me. Maybe Grace pulled a Grinch on me and my heart grew three sizes or something to make room for them all, but it is certainly hurting now. I think the relative peace of my environment has put me face to face with some of my conflicted traits. What if this little wave who seems so good at letting things float by needs an anchor sometimes? Or if this Aphenphosmphobiac (look it up, or check out the facebook note that is the only reason I know it has a fancy word) needs to be held once in a while? Or maybe I should go to sleep and save the deep thinking for more reasonable hours? I will work on answers to those questions and many others. But inner weirdness does not change the fact that I really do love it out here and am enjoying getting to know some of my co-workers and living buddies better. Who could have even guess that the world is covered with such an awesome group of people all mixed together?

1 comment:

  1. hehe I come up with all my deepest thoughts/questions when I am obviously tired and need to go to sleep - and then I kind of start to panic because I feel like I can't deal with it - and so then I have to remind myself (frequently) "No Niki, it's true, you can't deal with this - not at 1 bloody 30 in the morning" lol.
    Praying for you and the Miss Erica.
    I definitely know what you mean about your heart being in two places this summer :)