Friday, July 31, 2009

more for the list.

27. Soy milk and the crap I get from a certain Californian when I drink it.
28. Knitting.
29. "oh geez" with a North Dah-coe-den accent
30. Running around the lobby chasing moths with a fly swatter cause it was late and we were bored.
31. the bucket check and the loss of all hope in the soul of whoever does the Bunkhouse side.
32. the number of text messages sent between the hours of midnight and four am.
33. the legitimacy of cowboy hats, western shirts, and golf gear.
34. Jeremiah calling me Nat King Cole.
35. talking with all the international workers and gleaning as much knowledge from them as I can.
36. my hobo like ability to sleep wherever there happens to be a flat place and a blanket.
37. taking "baby steps."
38. shamelessly making the fellas cook for me.
39. getting caught drooling over an Egyptian or a stable hand.
40. sitting in the catholic church at insane hours pondering life and light.
41. the Cowboy Cafe.

Monday, July 20, 2009

the curious incident of promises and weakness.

I am learning something about human nature that every ounce of my soul refuses to accept- promises are broken and people are weak. God, he gets the whole concept of a promise and the strength it takes to keep one, this is an encouraging thought, but that is one trait of his that I do not think his children have learned. Whether it be a promise I make to myself, or one I enter into with someone else, I will inevitably fail to have the strength needed to keep it in and of myself.
I have entered into promises to help those I care about, but I keep running out of strength. I cannot carry other’s burdens the way I want to. I want to be strong. Strong enough to take care of those I love, but I now know I cannot do that. But, I also realized that it was wrong of me to agree to carry someone else’s burden. There is only One who can carry the burdens of life and me asking to help Him is me saying that He is not strong enough. In the same way that I have to lay my burdens at his feet, so I also lay down my claim to the burdens of those I love, may His healing be strong enough to bring peace.

Friday, July 17, 2009

how the world goes round.

So, it has been altogether tooo long since I have updated my blog, so here is catch up.

park and the fourth.

Events of the last month.

25, June

The movie itself was enjoyable, but not the most fantastic film I have ever seen, but the company was fantastic. We made it a call center trip, seeing how we could legally get every one to Dickinson. I rode with the Mongolians + Sarah, so much awesome in one car that i could not handle it. Sarah taught me a game that involves yelling at cows and Chimde told me that he learned english listening to the Beatles, he might be battling Jojet for the spot of my favorite at work haha. During the movie, I had Vincente and Jojet to snicker softly with every time something awesome happened and to play the "don't touch me" game because the movie theater was three million degrees (my best guess anyways).

4, July

So, basically one of the best nights here in Medora. Sitting under the self induced stars aka fire works with some of the gang from work. Shelia Schafer had ice cream for all of us and we just laid out on her lawn and watched the show. The best part was how close the fire works were, I felt like they were going to fall on my FACE :D

13, July

MONTANA!!!! I took a quick road trip with "Montana" aka Lindsey to actual Montana to drop off her sister, but we also went to get chinese food and went grocery shopping in a proper small town grocery store. I may have cried a little at the sight of cherries and soymilk. Very sappy female of me to get sentimental over grocery shopping.

15, July

Again, the movie was not the most fantastic I have ever seen, but the company made it worth while. I did rather enjoy the movie, good job o ye movie industry, but we got even more Medorians together for this one and armed with dark chocolate pomegranate candy and root beer, I was like "bring it." Sally charmed us with Van Halen and the Beach Boys on the ride over and Ginny saved my hind end and my sanity by waiting with me while I waited for the last of the gang to get there since I was the ticket girl, it has been a rough day on my nerves and I don't think I would have made it standing alone very well. But, spending some time surrounded by people I have come to care for, GInny's kindness, and some encouraging texting from Vincente after we got back at some insane hour redeemed the day and got me thinking about the rest of what I am going to write about.

“No one can say he is himself until first he knows that he is and what himself is. In fact, nobody is himself and himself is nobody”- the Raven of Lilith

There are a few things, honestly not that complex of a list, of tangible things that make me lose all desire to live. Certain smells, words, and behaviors that make my knees buckle and my spirit whither, which is translated into dead looks on my face and an evasive nature. I had been confronted by and dwelling on a particular one of these things that is making me whither a little even as I think about it. Even though this list is not long, I feel like it buries fists in my gut on a regular basis, but my friend Vincente got me focused on a much cooler list, the things that make me want to live. Those random little bits that put a smile on my face, a song in my heart, and makes my feet suddenly light as if I were going to take to the skies right away.
I do not think he even realized he had hit one of those things, but one of the things that makes me sing is knowing that someone wants me to be safe. Very rarely do we humans bother to voice that we desire someone's safety, it is considered understood, but I think we need to get better at it, such is my opinion at any rate). When someone I do not expect to bother says my name (especially if they mispronounce it into some sort of nickname, I have a list of them), or sends me a text message without there being an emergency, I grin the Naruto "smiley eyes" face and think of happy things. So, I decided to come up with a list of other things that make me smile out here in Medora and maybe as you read them, even if you have no idea who I am talking about, you will be able to insert the moments when life does the same thing for you.

1. When Ginny starts dancing to imaginary music and invites me to join her.
2. When Lance punches me in the arm, or makes faces at me while I am on the phone until I start laughing and put the guest on hold.
3. When a bunny lopes across the road during my lunch break because it is too lazy to run from me (cause then I might catch it)
4. rain puddles and the squishy sound shoes make when they are soaked through.
5. love songs on acoustic guitar.
6. ants crawling anywhere but on my skin.
7. When Nina says "no no," or Lisa says "lame," and especially when Lindsey says "b**** please" at ridiculousness.
8. prairie dogs.
9. chocolate milk.
10. wailing along with Regina Spektor or Nora Jones as I clean.
11. HUGS.
12. long and pointless walks with various amazing people, especially if there is birthday cake ice cream involved.
13. letters, handwritten.
14. yelling at the phone before putting on my "phone voice" and answering.
15. Sally's laugh carrying into the next room.
16. the fact I have memorized a crap load of different telephone extensions and ticket prices with and without tax.
17, Sarah C.'s shoes.
18. Jojet burying his bad shoulder into me so that I cannot punch it while he gets smart aleky, even though I have a hugh grin on my face.
19. Trying to control faces when bikers, hippies, cowboys, or really cute golfers check in, especially when Lindsey or Ginny is working.
20. Certain smells.
21. Watching the Nik and Jayden play magic cards.
22. Employee events ie talent show etc.
23. Vincente's surprised face
24. Late night shifts and how differently we process once sleepy hits.
25, Getting called "sweetie" by cute old ladies.
26. "That's Not My Name" by the Ting Tings

The list will get longer.